The ex msged me out of the blue today on Facebook.

"free for drink later?"

Even more out of the yonder cos I'd been on her blocked list! Plus I had msged her a conciliatory msg and wishes on her bday just to offer an end to the cold war, so to speak, but no response despite the gesture of good faith. But lo & behold I have a msg from her that of cos comes with the rights to see part of the profile albeit a limited part.

So as any curious cat would, especially in such a situation, I trawled through and having limited access to her pics got to her fiance's profile and photos - the guy with my name misspelled - yes the bloke she was two-timing me with has the same dang name with one letter different. Leaving aside the emotional side of things, I always found that amusing btw, that she was getting away with cheating by crazy coincidence that we shared the same name phonetically. He's quite the jock, tall, strong & silent type I'll bet - but very very mat.

As I scrolled through their pics, I realised I didn't feel the same hurt or yearning I did before. I mean she is tall, sporty and hence modelesque but I realise I had this rose-tinted view of her which has shattered now that reality has set in. Her plain face and perpetually with the hint of a scowl - Naeema was right - she does have a guy's jaw! All the fashion conflicts between us. She looked totally right in the picture with him - one-dimensional, closed-minded, malay/arab/whatever-muslim couple.

Looking at her now like an objective bystander, leaving aside all the craziness, deceit and selfishness in her and when I take into account all the differences in principles and the qualities I cherish which are sadly-lacking in her, I'm so grateful now. Cos I escaped a life with her, which it may not seem that way at the time because I was truly and as I usually am, utterly and loyally in love and so I went through the most heart-wrenching time of my life ever, but she would have been wrong for me. I'll never regret the amazing first 3 months we had but those second 3 months were the worst living nightmare of my life. I look back and still wince at the thought. How did I ever get so sure of something so wrong, something that inevitably gave me so much pain, and support it so wholeheartedly. It's unnerving, the whole thing, even to someone sure of things like me. Maybe more so because of that.

Thankfully I experienced it at this time in my life where I'm much steadier and know my worth and who I am, I don't think I would have survived as well if at all earlier in life - all the things she put me through from the lying to the emotional blackmail to the crazy demands to the flip-flopping to the ill-fated ring to more hurtful lying, in spite of her friends saying otherwise, to the inexplicable progeny scare. Just a crazy relationship, if you could call it that, despite the apparent label.

I clicked to the last photo, a shot of the two of them at a malay wedding & I'm glad things panned out the way they did cos I would never have been happy spending my life with her, and more imptly I would not have had to chance to meet someone more wonderful in leaps and bounds, someone who appreciates me for the awesome, sweet, considerate, romantic, intelligent and loving person I am, someone who likes doing the things I do, someone who is much more in tune with my energy and my outlook on life and life partners, someone who appreciates my issues and accepts them, someone who is willing to work at problems and challenges, someone who is challenged by me and strives to keep on trying to up the ante and because of that makes us both better in turn, someone who enjoys good random things, someone who truly makes me happy and wants to make me happy...

Someone like you :)

Needless to say, I ignored the msg.