Melancholy. It's got me again. Wound tightly around its manipulative little finger.

Only free friday night without salsa turned out to be a bane rather than a boon. Went for a movie with LH which was nice. Had dinner after with her and the new bf. That's when it started.
I'm happy for them. Quite sweet how she fell for him after he persisted for a long time despite the odds.

Left them to make my way back home. It grew at the bus- stop waiting for 75 to come. I realised J got S through his reliable steady preserverance too. The romantic ending where the guy gets the girls despite the trouble.

Stopped on holland road, and decided to walk back rather than take the bus. Played bsb & kelly on my phone speaker.. And it reared its full ugly head. My loneliness tis wasted friday night and my wanton mind twisted me in knots I knew too well. I thot about her. The more than two years we had. How I still think about her deep inside even as I try to move on. Cos I decided to move on. I still love her... And I'd easily take her back if I let my defences down. But there are the problems & fundamental differences in mindsets. So I should do the right thing for me. The rational thing.

It has other ideas though. As I stepped into my room, coupled with the loneliness and tiredness of the work week and significance of the post-xmas, pre-NYE melancholy, it took hold. A deep strong grasp on my heart and soul.

I sat on my bed overcome. Hollow. Lonely.

How easily I come undone.

As the song plays on...

Voices tell me I should carry on.
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone...