It's one of those times where no matter how much you try to rationalise things and make yourself realise that you are part of her life and things just are the way they are cos of circumstances, your mind runs rampant with unpleasant thoughts and you are full of nonsense and loathing.
Hush now.
I guess I just miss her. Calls aren't the same and texts a fraction better.
She misses you too. Get a life.
Away, unseemly thoughts.

Watching Californication took my mind off things and made me laugh. It's such good writing with clever takes on real life love lives and Duchovny is brilliant casting cos no one else could be such a lovable asshole. The sad reality of the characters and their humbling portrayal of married life is sobering tho. I want the holiness and devotion of 'till death do us part' but I don't want the spice and romance to disappear just because of marriage. I don't want kids to be an excuse not to try hard for each other anymore. I don't the spontaneity and humour to seep into the ground. I want to have sexual appetite with my partner that has no chance for outside distractions. Of running off to skydive in thailand, swim in the azure waters of maldives or gallavant to the buzz of new york. Yet I know the old man in me desires the stability and security of commitment and partnership. Of reading a bedtime story to the little one. The nuzzle of your lover in the morning and the hug at the end of a long work day.

Bah. Life challenging enough without my head adding to the perplexities.

Hush now.
You're much luckier than many other sods out there who think they're the star of their own rom-coms. You've found a woman who really loves you for who you are.
At least you have each other so cherish in that.
Now stop worrying and enjoy the ride.
Hush now.
Hush.